Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
