I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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