I'm going to jail i love you
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
