you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
