In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
