Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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