all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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