It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
