I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize