She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize