And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
