3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize