Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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