Walk of Shame today included voting.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
ok first of all what the fuck
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
