you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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