Define "chronic" masturbator.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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