I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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