Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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