Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
