nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Randomize
