Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
