my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I want a musical about memes.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
