Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
