I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
