i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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