I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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