i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
