seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I think my moral compass just broke
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
