I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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