I faked an abortion last night.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
