You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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