I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Fuck appropriateness.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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