I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
