Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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