yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
