do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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