You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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