you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
