I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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