I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
