i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
