YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
