I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
