when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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