Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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