I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.