i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
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SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.