I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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