I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
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Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.