U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.