If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
