is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
