if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
