Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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