i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We have started to decorate penises.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
