Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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