I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
