Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.