I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.