Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.