I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
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all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
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I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage