oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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