Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
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My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
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Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.