you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
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I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
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I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.