here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..