somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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