You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
