Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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