before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
