it wasn't lemon gatorade
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
