my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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