Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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