the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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