That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
