Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
