What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
